Just another self reflection upon life and wondering why things happen to people for various reasons. I was just re-awoken at how small my life is in correspondence to others around me. I've been living in the "me" world and not really looking outside of the windows to my self or my soul. The only thing to break me out of this place is the reconnecting with my self and my music. Wait, I think I just to break myself away from the world and yet I'm trying to reconnect with myself? Ugh, get it together.

A lot lately, or rather, recently when I have sat down to practice piano I have broken down inside. I fall apart at the beautiful music that is coming from the hands before me on the set of ivory, even though it's not in tune. It's just enough to grab me from inside to break me from the world I see all around. This world I enter is peaceful and ambient and everlasting, I'm reminded of all my blessings past, present, and what may come ahead.

Just a few weeks ago my cousin, Justin, called me. Yes, the one that was near to death a few times just last summer. He called me to check up on me and to see how I was doing and where I was in life. I talked with him for a little while and he's normal except a little slow but that is to be expected from the condition he was in. I wish that I would have turned off the TV and got off of my computer to talk to him more. He wanted me to call him back sometime and I said that I would think about it.

When I returned to my piano, it reminded me of how blessed I am. Blessed that I have not had any serious accidents. Blessed that I have an education, house, clothes, food to eat, and a little bit of spending money. I'm blessed that I have an inquisitive mind and talent for music.

I think that also lately I have finally gotten over my issue with my eyelid, Ptosis, with keeping my hair short. I so wish that I would have realized this when I was in high school. I wish I had better self-esteem back then for myself instead of trying to cover up everything. My life would be slightly different now, for sure, if I did change a few things like that. I don't even notice it anymore and it's amazing that once you reach adulthood, people your age don't ask questions about it. I think it's that they're afraid and people usually don't ask until they get to know me better. I would really like for it to be fixed though because of it causing vision problems when I get sleepy.

When your outside starts to decay is when I feel my inner being trying to invade through other means of creativity. This usually comes about by a simple picture or a song through piano or through me simply telling someone how much I care about them. I was thanked again for a letter that I wrote to a friend around Christmas and I told her how she has changed my life and how I gave her encouragement and to never forget to follow your dreams. I found out tonight that if one lady did not stick to her dreams that my life would definitely not be the same as it is now; JK Rowling. :]

Well here's one of my newest favourite songs to play.